floor to the phohis ulation
from my mother, so that we could stay ihe rog chair
from my baby days was still in the er.
there was only one small bathroom at the top of the stairs, which i would
have to share with charlie. i was trying oo mu that
fact.
ohings about charlie is he doesn't hover. he left me
aloo unpad get settled, a feat that would have beeher
impossible for my mother. it was o be aloo have to smile
and look pleased; a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the
sheeting rai a fee. i wasn't io go
on a real g jag. i would save that for bedtime, when i would have to
think about the .
fh school had a frightening total of only three hundred and
fifty-seven — now fifty-eight — students; there were more than seven
hundred people in my junior e bae. all of the kids here
had growheir gras had beeher.
i would be the new girl from the big city, a curiosity, a freak.
maybe, if i looked like a girl from phoenix should, i could work this to
my adva physically, i'd in anywhere. i should be tan,
sporty, blond — a volleyball player, or a cheerleader, perhaps — all the
things that go with living in the valley of the sun.
instead, i was ivory-skihout even the excuse of blue eyes or red
hair, despite the t sunshine. i had always bee soft
somehow, obviously not ae; i didn't have the necessary hand-eye
ation to play sports without humiliating myself — and harming both
myself and aood too close.
when i fiing my the old piook my bag
of bathroom ies ahe unal bathroom to myself
up after the day of travel. i looked at my fa the mirror as i
brushed through my tangled, damp hair. maybe it was the light, but
already i looked sallower, uhy. my skiy — it was
very clear, almost tra-looking — but it all depended on color. i
had no color here.
fag my pallid refle the mirror, i was forit that i
was lyi wasn't just physically that i'd in. and
if i 't find a ni a school with three thousa
were my ces here?
i dide well to people my age. maybe the truth was that i didn't
relate well to people, period. even my mother, who i was closer to than
ahe pla, was never in harmony with me, ly
the same page. sometimes i wondered if i was seeihings
through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs.
maybe there was a glit my brain. but the 't matter. all
that mattered was the effeorrow would be just the beginning.
i didn't sleep well that er i was d. the
t whooshing of the rain and wind across the roof wouldn't fade
into the bad. i pulled the faded old quilt over my head, and later
added the pillow, too. but i 't fall asleep until after midnight,
when the rain fio a quieter drizzle.
thick fog was all i could see out my window in the m, and i could
feel the claustr up on me. you ever see the sky
here; it was like a cage.
breakfast with charlie was a quiet event. he wished me good luck at
school. i thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted. good luded to
avoid me. charlie left first, off to the poli that was his wife
and family. after he left, i sat at the old square oak table in one of
the three unmatg d examined his small kit, with its dark
paneled walls, bright yellow ets, and white linoleum fl
was ged. my mother had pais eighteen years ago in an
attempt t some suhe house. over the small fireplace
in the adjoining handkerchief-sized family room ictures.
first a wedding picture of d my mom ihen one of
the three of us ial after i was born, taken by a helpful
nurse, followed by the proy school pictures up to last
year's. those were embarrassing to look at — i would have to see what i
could do to get ch
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